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If not..... then....

If I don't go to the doctors now for my back pain, then when will I run again?

If I don't move Emilee to her crib, then when will I get the courage to?

If I don't start teaching Connor respect and how to follow directions, then when is it too late?

If Kyle and I don't focus on our marriage, then when do we hit the stalemate of our relationship?


It has been quite a while since I posted a blog and for many reasons. Mainly because two kids growing and developing into little beings is totally exhausting and posting a blog is trumped by sleep. 

But I realized over the past few weeks that there is a point I kept asking myself "If I don't ________, then when _______". Tonight it was "If I don't stay up and do dishes now, then when will they get done?" (The smart answer would have been, tomorrow.... my answer was the melodramatic, NEVER).

The truth is that my babies are growing and turning into little people. Connor is speaking words and full on sentences that I either delight in or cringe at his imitation of mommy's finest moments. Emilee is moving all over the floor and "talking" and smiling and laughing. These are creatures who need nurturing and my undivided attention. The truth is that the dishes could wait until tomorrow if I wanted a two year old trying to "help" load the dishwasher that constantly falls out and attacks those passing by. 

The other truth is that sometimes I just need a break. Sometimes I need a moment to clear all the stress and anger that I hold onto. I need that break from the constant screaming of "Mama, fruit snacks! Mama, pahcorn! Mama, George! Mama, Mickey Mouse! Mama, Ipad! Mama, Mama, Mama! Help meeeeee!" From the time Connor wakes up to the time he goes to bed it is non-stop chatter and his declaration of his wishes. Yes, I am thrilled he can use his words to tell me his needs, but sometimes, just sometimes, I would like to go into the bathroom and use the potty without a list of wishes 10 miles long. But then again, I realize that he doesn't understand this. He is trying to figure out his role in society and how he is supposed to act. So I put on my big girl pants, take a deep breath and say "When mommy is done going potty we will talk about everything you need." Usually this does the trick. Occasionally he decides to come in and flush the potty and announce "All done, mama." Touche my child, touche.

Emilee is growing at a rate I find astonishing. She is completely off the DS charts in size.  We couldn't be more pleased. She has hit all of her milestones to date. I forsee her sitting up to be delayed simply because of her core muscles. We received a new therapist while our regular is out on maternity leave. While this is both comforting that we have coverage. I also am finding myself conflicted. I love our regular OT but during the last few weeks she was very repetitive in everything we were doing and while I thought Emilee was progressing, the new OT came in and showed us positions and things that we had never seen before. I question myself all the time if we are doing enough for Emilee. I know she is only 6 months old but from all the literature I have read and the people I have talked to, the key is EARLY intervention. I suppose a part of me still struggles with the unknown. But at any rate, just holding Emilee and seeing her smile and laugh is enough for me. She can sit/crawl/walk whenever she wants as long as she keeps smiling.

However stressful the days are or however long the nights are, I have come to realize that at the end of the day we have each other. We are a family and if I ask myself "If I don't have a family, then what do I have?" My family defines me and makes me who I am. I am the wife to a Coast Guardsman, I am the mother to a rambunctious 2.5 year old and loving and totally adorable *almost* 6 month old. I am becoming a runner (with the help of Physical therapy). I am a friend to some awesome ladies who have made my stay in Philadelphia more fun than I ever imagined and I consider them nothing less than sisters to me. 

I have hit the point in this post where I wonder if I should go on or call it finished. I said what I needed and should move on. However, I need to extend my excitement about a few future events.
   1. Our trip to MD in less than 3 weeks. While it means that we will be without Daddy for a few weeks, I am thrilled to see family. We haven't been home since Christmas and it will be amazing for the kids to see everyone. 
  2. July is Connor's 3rd birthday. A heads up, we will NOT be doing a party for him. Instead we are inviting the grandparents to visit for a weekend and do something fun around the city. 
  3. Kyle and my 5th wedding anniversary is coming up in August and we decided to take a vacation sans kids- ahhhhhh! We are vacationing in the Florida Keys for 6 nights!
  4. Emilee is going to be Cute as A Button for her 1st birthday party-- tentatively scheduled for August 22nd!

And that... is that! I bid you all a good night sleep and a pleasant time until I post again. 











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