The Reese's

Some days I have this impending feeling of doom. I can't get done everything on my to-do list, give attention to the kids and still have time for me. I would need something like 80 hours in a day, or so it seems. I have tried making lists and schedules and as the time passes, tasks become unchecked, I lose hope that I can be the mother, wife and student that I should be. SHOULD . Who determines what I should be? me. Having two kids is exhausting. Hell, having one kid is exhausting. Throw in the tasks of everyday and the special therapy and doctor's appointments due to special needs and it turns into a Hurricane. Emotions lead to floods and soon you just drown in the tasks. But after every Hurricane is a beautiful day. The sun comes out and shines and you forget all about how terrible that storm was. You rebuild and clean up. There is hope. There is always  hope. And after this sappy introduction I present my hopeful situation after the Hurricane. Emilee's cardiologist...

It has been a year since Emilee was enrolled in Early Intervention. She was a tiny 6 week-old who could barely hold her head up for any length of time. Her goal for occupational therapy (OT) was to increase strength for head holding and to grasp toys. I remember barely sleeping the night before our first evaluation. Why should I expect, what are they going to tell me about her development, are we going to get enough services? Fast forward a year later and I still barely slept last night. We have an amazing team and I knew we will get the services we need. But it was the thought of hearing how delayed she is as they break down categories. I know she isn't crawling like most children her age and walking, this girl can barely weight-bare on her legs for longer than a few seconds. I also know that she isn't interacting with toys like most other children. The age on the toys I tend to laugh at, Emilee still doesn't push things or manipulate them in any way other than chewing. ...

Dear Leila, You are just a little girl, probably around 2 years old, enjoying dinner with your family at Hooters in Ocean City, Maryland. Much like any 2 year-old little girl, you are obsessed with babies. As you ate your dinner you couldn't stop looking and drooling over Emilee and her baby-like stage. Finally your mommy brought you over to say hello. What you don't know is that Emilee is a bit different from you. She was born with something a bit extra and it makes her a little different. But your gentle, kind and caring disposition didn't make her feel any different from you. I hope that realize how absolutely amazing it was to meet you and your mommy and how for an a moment, Emilee's difference didn't matter. Stay amazing, Leila. Dear Leila's Mother, Thank you. From the bottom of my heart I cannot extend my appreciation for walking your baby-obsessed two year old over to my daughter. While it probably didn't seem special to you, it did to us. A...

Many days I take for granted... well everything. I am bothered by the dishes piling up in the sink, the laundry collecting on the floor, our empty fridge. I don't take the time to enjoy the ability to stay at home with the kids. I easily become overwhelmed by the daily tasks that I don't enjoy the day . When we did our mini kitchen remodel (Aka painting and decorating), Kyle repurposed a picture frame into a framed chalkboard. Between the chaotic months it remained empty. I looked at it as another task that I had to do . Then we had our amazing, relaxing vacation and upon our return I found that the blank canvas was depressing. I needed something inspirational on there to help me be calm in the moments that I needed it the most and to relish the time that I have been given with the kids. Hello pinterest. I spent a solid 30 minutes looking at the options. A funny quote, something "kitchen-like", a long saying? There was one that stuck out to me and seemed easy enou...

Yesterday you turned one, my sweet baby. You are growing at an astonishing rate and becoming quite the stubborn, lovable little girl I knew you would. One year ago we were in the hospital and weren't sure of what the future would hold. To be honest we were unprepared for what God had given us. But then, who really is prepared when a new life comes into the world. Who knows what path we are given. I certainly didn't and today, one year later, I wouldn't change it for the world. You have given me a purpose. You have made me a better mother. You have made me happy in ways I never thought I would be. YOU have tested my patience and taught me that things will come when they come. You are strong and beautiful . You are funny and sweet as can be. You are my baby girl and will always be . I cannot tell you what the next year will bring, but I know that no matter what comes our way you will be there smiling and giggling at me. Maybe even still pulling my hair. I wan...

When we made the reservations for our Anniversary trip in August, we thought it would never get here. The day to day stressor's were calmed by the "Just hang in there until August!" And here we are, August 2nd. In 11 days, Kyle and I will be on our first solo vacation without both kids. I am both excited and nervous. No 6am wake up calls, no endless rocking of an almost one year old or negotiating with a three year old! I know it doesn't mean that we won't still wake up at the crack of dawn, but it does mean we can linger in bed for a while without being joined by a three year old ready to start the day! July was a busy busy month. I mean, we came out of it with a three year old! The Fourth of July was Emilee's last "first" holiday. We spent it with friends since Kyle was on duty. We didn't see any fireworks like I had hoped, but it was a very relaxing day! The next weekend was a visit from my parents and sister! The day before they were suppo...

(I will update on the rest of the family in a post on a day where I have time to spare. Right now, I thought updating on E's heart condition is a bit more important) As most of you are aware, Emilee was born with a heart condition known as Atrial Septal Defect (ASD). This is known as "a hole in the heart". What this means is that there is separation in the wall of her Right Atrium and Left Atrium.  When the blood pumps thru her left atrium to her left ventricle there is a leak back into her right atrium.  Here is a picture to allow you to see the anatomy and where the hole is. This is something that is actually very common. There are tons of people walking around right now with ASD who don't know it. They don't know about it because it doesn't cause any problems until you're much older. With having her first cardiologist appointment at age five weeks old we were able to see the slight hole early. We are on a yearly check-up until pre-school age when w...

Most of my blog posts focus on Emilee and our accomplishments or milestones.... but what I have come to realize is that I don't focus on the attention crazed two year old. CONNOR*** This little-- err big boy is bundle of energy, sass and comedy bundled into one body. He can ignore you one second and be on your lap giving you a hug and a kiss the next. I can barely keep up with him as he climbs on the playground (and generally anytime he talks to me). Over the last few months he has taken such leaps and bounds in his physical and emotional development. He knows what it means to be sad and SO HAPPY! . He can run and jump and bounce and somehow do all three at once. He has figured out how to manipulate mommy and daddy to get what he wants and at the same time to be so sweet about getting what he wants. He is an amazing older brother. From the little things like handing back her ball that ended up halfway across the room to singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" when s...

"Awww- How old is your little one?" "Nine? yes, nine months!" "Oh, really? She look so tiny!" "Yes, she is really nine months." I think I would remember the day I birthed her. And TINY? She is a monster! "Awe. Well she has the most beautiful eyes!" "Thanks. We think they are gorgeous too." Please, let me find my 2.5 year old and play with him. "How much does she weigh?" "Around 17lbs, maybe a little more." Really, let me go. " "My daughter is six months and is 17lbs." "That's great, she's growing right along."  Chubbers. "Maybe she is just longer than yours. How long is she?" "I think she was close to 27 inches at the last check-up." Good lord, I am just trying to shop. "What?! Wow, my daughter is only 24 inches." "At six months so was she." NOW LET ME GO! "How many teeth does she have?" "None." ...

After getting both kids to bed (before 8pm mind you!) I have finally had time to sit down and decompress. My morning started out with Emilee stirring in her crib around 4am. I quickly grabbed her and put her in our bed to fall back asleep as she normally does. She started stirring around again at 6am which was my cue to get out of bed and get dressed and ready to leave for her eye appointment. I woke up with that "this should be an interesting day" feeling and low and behold, it was. It was 6:55 when I realized that our wonderful sitter hadn't arrived yet. She is never late, even the one time she thought she was going to be late she was still five minutes early. So when she wasn't here at 7, my mind went crazy. Was she in an accident, had something happened with her family... the list went on with the craziness of Philly news. I sent a text at 7:05 and nothing. I finally switched from worried mom mode to get-in-the-damn-car mode to make the appointment on time. (I...

People hate to say goodbye. Most people would rather say "See you later" even if they know it isn't true. In October 2008, my grandfather passed away and we stood graveside, tears rolling down our face. We said, "We will see you later, Pap!" In November 2014, my grandmother passed away and we stood graveside, tears rolling down our face. We said, "We will see you later, Grams!" Since then, my dad has been diligently working on their house. The clearing out and selling of the contents and recently the final process of selling the house. The problem here is that we can't say "See you later, house!" because it is being sold to someone who plans on changing the inside. To someone who has no semblance of the memories we have had in the house. In 1966 the house was built; my dad was 3 years old. In 1986 my older sister was born and in 1989 I came along. From the time we were born, that was our house! Pictures in our photo albums are m...

Normally I would be rocking my awesome blue and yellow Or my crazy socks to bring awareness to Down syndrome, but instead I am sitting in a car at a cemetery waiting for a beautiful woman's life to be celebrated. Death is never an easy subject and neither is Down Syndrome. People fear both because of the unknown. People place stigmas to both; death is the ending of a beautiful life And DS diagnosis is just the beginning of a beautiful life. The sooner people realize and accept this, the better our world will be. The goal of World Down Syndrome Day is to bring awarenessa to the diagnosis and to promote the acceptance. Emilee is not Down Syndrome. Emilee HAS Down Syndrome and always will. It's something we don't always think about, but their characteristics that are always there. Like the slightly bent ears, The almond shaped eyes, the slight gap between her toes. Things that you really can't notice unless you look for it. But it's similar to us. Most people you c...

If I don't go to the doctors now for my back pain, then when will I run again? If I don't move Emilee to her crib, then when will I get the courage to? If I don't start teaching Connor respect and how to follow directions, then when is it too late? If Kyle and I don't focus on our marriage, then when do we hit the stalemate of our relationship? It has been quite a while since I posted a blog and for many reasons. Mainly because two kids growing and developing into little beings is totally exhausting and posting a blog is trumped by sleep.  But I realized over the past few weeks that there is a point I kept asking myself "If I don't ________, then when _______". Tonight it was "If I don't stay up and do dishes now, then when will they get done?" (The smart answer would have been,  tomorrow .... my answer was the melodramatic,  NEVER ). The truth is that my babies are growing and turning into little people. Connor is sp...

Let me preface this post with a little story from my younger days: Around late middle school/early high school I found myself to be a loner. Sure, like most, I had a close group of friends but I was perfectly happy sitting with a book, engulfing myself in some love story I wasn't sure I'd ever have. (Insert eye roll at the melodramatic nature of preteen girls in the 90's). I was that student who would get caught with the latest novel hanging half way out of my desk trying to read just one more chapter. I was the daughter who didn't care if I got grounded from the television, I had enough books in my room to occupy me for whatever duration of grounding I was sentenced. Then I started dating Kyle. He read one book in its entirely, HOLES. He'd rather listen to an audiotape than read. But I also hit that period where I would rather spend time with my boyfriend than read about an unrealistic love story. Then college hit and, seriously, no one had time for reading...

Well it looks like we made it to 2015! I remember when I was little and the year 2000 looked and sounded intimidating, now it's 2015?! I planned on recapping the month of December and all that jazz but let me just say one paragraph about the month of December and move along: Christmas came and went so quickly that I literally think if I blinked I would have missed it, and to be completely honest, I wouldn't have minded it. Although it was Emilee's first and something to be so excited for, the passing away of my grandmother still lingered. It was a different kind of holiday as we tried to remember the great times with her and not be sad. We began the process of prepping the house to be sold and the contents emptied. The trip wasn't completely sad though, Christmas made Connor and Emilee very happy. Connor got a new pet named Mouse--- Mouse is a Hampster. He also was gifted lots of awesome toys, clothes and his second favorite gift:  pens for the bathroom walls. A nig...